It Can't Be Time for June Already!

I can't hardly believe that it is June already... I mean it seems like just yesterday that we were trying to get through the holidays and then my birthday in February and my fabulous trip to California to visit the fabulous Mackay family. And all of a sudden I wake up and it's June already and the temps are creeping up almost to the triple digits. I feel like Rip Van Winkle - I blink and months went by. Before I knew it, I had a high school graduate living in my house, and it seems like the other two are running out the door too. I know they're still in school, but it feels like I'm going to blink and they'll all be gone. Of course I'm a little sad, a little homesick for the good ol' days when my babies were babies, all cute and cuddly, when the house smelled like baby powder and kool-aid instead of Victoria Secret body spray and butts & feet. It seems like the last two decades went by in the blink of an eye. But then again, I am really looking forward to when life becomes all about me again, LOL! When my kids all fly the coop, I will actually be able to take vacation days to... (wait for it)... actually..take..vacation... instead of run a kid here or there. I can't hardly even fathom it!

But I guess I shouldn't get ahead of myself, should I? I mean, one never knows what will happen from one day to the next! SO much has happened over the last few weeks that has really shaken things up and threatens to throw my vision and goals into a blender and hit puree. Take my triathlon season for instance... Initially I had planned to start the season with the Rev3 Olympic in May, which I had to cancel because Andria was graduating. Then I had to cancel the Tour de Cure to participate in the Dragon Boat Race - both of which were entirely worth it! Then a couple of weeks ago, I get derailed by some pesky chest pain and now am strapped to this stinking monitor for two weeks. Most of my training has been grounded until they do more tests, which also means I'm going to probably havbe to miss the River Rat swim on the 11th ... SNIFF! I've had so much down time, that it's that much harder to do even the simple training. My coach still thinks he can whip me into shape in time for my Half IM in September, and he probably could, but the longer I am out of commission now, the harder I'm going to have to work in a shorter period of time to get there. At some point I'm going to have to decide whether it's worth pushing that hard or whether I should push that half back to the beginning of the 2012 season. I really really wanted to do it this year... to have 2012 be the year of the big Kahuna - the whole shebang - my M-dot-tat-earning IRONMAN... but I may just be better off making this another sprint/Olympic year and just use this season to get back to full speed instead of pushing too hard.

I don't know if I can bring myself to do that though... I don't know if my coach would forgive me... I don't know if I would forgive me.... I mean, all I know is "balls to the wall" - push as hard as you can from start to finish, go big or go home, heck... just down right get-er done! Imean, for Heaven's sake - I'm the girl who sewed my own wedding dress in two days because I couldn't stand to stop in the middle! I'm so afraid that if I stop in the middle of something, that I'll get distracted from it and won't follow through in the end. I've done that too many times in my life - always stopping just short of what I really wanted to accomplish, and I really want not to do that. I mean, I'm at the point in my life where if I can't reach a goal, there better be a dad-gum good reason!!! And not one of those shrugging "eh, oh well" reasons neither... I mean like a house fell on me or I got struck by lightning 10 times in a row (I've already knocked on wood though, so don't worry) kind of reason.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see what the doctor says after I go for the nuclear stress test and echo... but it just chaps my rear end to have to be still... I't makes me absolutely insane - I don't know how to downshift... The only gear I know in my day to day life is all-out, sprint race pace, big ring, all day every day... too bad I can't really do that when I cycle, LOL!!!

I'm going to spare you any more ramblings, at least for the night. And I promise to type my next blog post in the day time when my mind is clearer and I can edit it in Word, LOL!!!